Chelsea’s Pokemon quest, Arsenal get serious, and Newcastle United’s hotel from The Shining

Somebody stop Todd Boehly! The Chelsea owner is treating the collective talent pool of European football like the roster of a Pokemon game, and seemingly operates on a transfer policy of ‘Gotta Catch ‘Em All!’. After spending some £140 million already this January, the American is showing no intent of seeking professional help for his rampant hoarding tendencies, and the Daily Mail report that the Blues could be in line for yet another double swoop this month.

Currently beeping away like rhythmic fireflies on Todd’s radar are Brighton duo Moises Caicedo and Leandro Trossard. Presumably, Boehly’s thinking is that a few familiar creature comforts could be just the ticket to cure Graham Potter’s inability to settle at Stamford Bridge, kind of like when they transfer an animal between zoos and send its favourite rock along with it to make it feel at home. Of the pair, Trossard seems the more likely to leave Albion in the immediate future following a series of apparent ructions with Potter’s successor on the south coast, Roberto De Zerbi.

Elsewhere, Arsenal could look to break their transfer for West Ham’s talismanic talisman Declan Rice. The Hammers’ dire showing in the Premier League has only emphasised the disparity in quality between the England midfielder and most of his teammates, and should David Moyes’ boys end the campaign anywhere near the foot of the table, it would surely only serve to hasten Rice’s exit.

Sami Mokbel reports that the Gunners will make a ‘serious play’ for the 24-year-old, who is valued at around £100 million by his current employers. Watch out, though, because who is that lurking on the periphery in a bandit mask and a GANT polo shirt? Why, it’s Todd Boehly, of course...

And finally, having reaped the weekly benefits of signing one young centre back whose name is pleasingly fun to enunciate, Newcastle United could look to pair Sven Botman with Bayer Leverkusen sensation Piero Hincapie. According to Football Insider, the Magpies are weighing up the prospect of a swoop for the 21-year-old, with talks already underway.

United could face competition from misery’s very own Everton, however, which is a bit like giving the young man a choice between an all-expenses paid stay in a penthouse duplex at The Plaza or a windowless room at the Overlook Hotel. Choose wisely, Piero...