Newcastle United’s George Michael impersonator, Leeds United’s Yorkshire Tea Party, and Chelsea... again

Another day, another dollop of Premier League transfer speculation. Welcome to the hamster wheel, folks. Buckle up. We start on Tyneside, where Newcastle United have reportedly made an actual, real life bid for up-and-coming George Michael impersonator Anthony Gordon, according to the venerable Fabrizio Romano.

Various careless whispers have hinted towards the Magpies’ interest in recent days, with United refusing to let the sun go down on a deal that they initially tried to complete last year. Now, however, they’ve given the pursuit one more try, and with a little bit of faith (and a shipping container full of Saudi money), they will believe that Gordon is their man. The young Scouser may take some time to acclimatise to life in the north east, however - a region where ‘Wham!’ is something only exclaimed when biting into a freshly baked sausage and bean melt.

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Elsewhere, Romano reports that talks are ongoing between Leeds United and Juventus over a possible deal for Weston McKennie - a man with a name like a small town insurance firm who would, fittingly, provide decent cover in the centre of the park. Jesse Marsch’s American Revolution - the Yorkshire Tea Party, if you will - continues in earnest, with more deliberately assembled Yanks than a bell-ringers’ convention. Soon the only half-time pies available at Elland Road will be apple and Mississippi mud.

Competition for McKennie is likely to be stiff, however, with the likes of Manchester United and Tottenham linked in recent times, and should Leeds fail in their bid, they could turn their attention to Morocco’s breakout World Cup star Azzedine Ounahi.

And finally, Chelsea are understood to be willing to make a bid of around £30 million for Lyon’s teenage full-back Malo Gusto, and I am ever so tired of it all.