Southampton’s Crown Prince of Sweden, Liverpool’s dinner party hell, Man Utd and Newcastle’s teenage target

Ninety-four days is all it took. Ninety-four days to ruin a reputation, and to carve a name into the vast tableau of Premier League heritage, like graffiti on the underside of a school desk. Nathan Jones - a simple genius who, by his own admission, sacrificed a humble life herding sheep and teaching PE in the valleys to become one of the greatest football managers in Europe - was relieved of his duties as Southampton boss over the weekend.

Perhaps his departure is understandable. After all, not only did he thoroughly rattle more Saints than Beelzebub himself, but he also fails to feature on the list of 11 top flight managers who have picked up at least one point at St. Mary’s this season - and he was in charge there for three months.

And of course, now we have to wonder where Southampton turn from here. Anybody coming into the club at this juncture is doing so in the full knowledge that are buckling up for a proper relegation dog fight. Naturally, it begs the question as to who would be naively optimistic, unrelentingly genial, and downright desperate enough to accept such a gig? Well, according to the Daily Mail, the Saints believe Jesse Marsch could be their man.

The American was only sacked by Leeds United a week ago, and yet here he is, getting ready to fist bump the monkey’s paw once again. Presumably any talks will be delayed until Marsch has stirred from his post Super Bowl lie-in. A sincere congratulations to this year’s winner, the Kansas City Kidney Beans. Or something.

The Mail’s report also suggests that Southampton hold a long-term interest in Nottingham Forest boss Steve Cooper, presumably in much the same way that I hold a long-term interest in becoming the Crown Prince of Sweden.

Elsewhere, as per Spanish publication Sport, Liverpool are understood to be interested in Wolves midfielder Ruben Neves, which makes an awful lot of sense given that their current midfield is comprised of Thiago Alcantara, a pensioner, three toddlers, a Curtis Jones, a parasitic alien who has burrowed its way into Fabinho’s frontal lobe, a slightly unhinged Mackem, the ghost of Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, and a man affectionately known as ‘Baby Keith’. Could be the guest list to the dinner party from hell, that.

With Neves’ contract at Molineux set to expire in 2024, this summer could represent a final opportunity for Wolves to sell him for a substantial fee.

And finally, the Daily Mail claim that both Manchester United and their Newcastle namesakes are keeping tabs on Belgian teenager Arthur Vermeeren. The Royal Antwerp midfielder only turned 18 last week, but is already being tipped for big, big things. And y’know what, best of luck to the lad. When I was 18 all I was doing was going to house parties and googling the finer details of Sweden’s line of succession.