Steven Gerrard’s continental adventure, Liverpool’s unfeasible opportunity, Leicester City’s Brazilian dream

Every day I sit down at my laptop, sift through the latest pieces of Premier League transfer speculation, and rack my brains as to how I am going to thread them all together in a way that is both enticing and distinct. I’ve written daft poems, I’ve constructed fantastical alternate realities, I’ve crammed in as many as clunky pop culture references and dollops of weapons grade sarcasm as I can possibly muster. And yet, sometimes a story comes along that is so wild, so inherently stupefying, that it requires no embellishment.

Today, we have one such story. According to a report from the Scottish Daily Express, Paris Saint-Germain have discussed the possibility of appointing Steven Gerrard as their new manager. Absolutely perfect lunacy, no notes whatsoever. The French giants have evidently been bowled over by his 32.5% win rate at Aston Villa and his single Scottish Premiership title with flat track bullies Rangers. They are, after all, only human.

The Express claim that Thomas Tuchel is also being considered for a sensational return to Le Parc des Princes, but should the former Chelsea manager say nein, PSG will be hoping that Stevie G hits them with one of his signature ‘Yeaaaaaah, course’s.

Elsewhere, while Gerrard could be swapping the Mersey for the Seine, one man who might be moving in the other direction is Neymar. That’s right, folks, Sean Dyche believes the mercurial Brazilian would be ideal for his world-renowned brand of agricultural survivalism, and wants him at Goodison Park, post-haste!

Nah, not really, I jest - but according to Football Insider, Liverpool have genuinely been offered the chance to sign the 31-year-old. Both Manchester clubs, City and United, have also been contacted, as have Newcastle United, but it is understood that any potential deal is viewed as unfeasible by that particular trio. For their part, PSG would demand around £80 million for the forward, while the player himself would have to accept a notable pay cut to join a Premier League club. As such, any potential deal could soon by viewed as unfeasible by Neymar’s accountant too.

And finally, CalcioMercato claim that Leicester City are interested in signing Juventus defender Gleison Bremer, who only joined the Serie A outfit in July, and who has made 24 appearances across all competitions since. It’s nice to have dreams.