The £30m genius goalkeeper transfer that could see Chelsea replace Kepa with massive upgrade

In a blow to advocates of mildly dyslexic nominative determinism, Kepa Arrizabalaga has left Chelsea. The wiry Spaniard, not typically one to realise when it is time for him to make an exit - just ask Maurizio Sarri - has bid farewell to west London as he embarks on a season-long loan to deputise for another Stamford Bridge alumni, the injured Thibaut Courtois, at Real Madrid.

Erratic and only occasionally sublime, Kepa remains the most expensive goalkeeper in footballing history for reasons that are perhaps better categorised as ‘errors of judgement’, but regardless, his sudden retreat to the continent means that Chelsea are almost certainly going to have to buy a replacement between now and the beginning of September.

On Sunday afternoon against the unfortunate urchin of this summer’s transfer window, O-Liverpool Twist, the Blues opted for new arrival Robert Sanchez between the sticks. He played, and I don’t say this lightly, fairly well. But beyond the former Brighton stopper, Chelsea’s options are threadbare to the point of transluscent; Marcus Bettinelli is, if we’re being blunt, a Championship calibre talent; Lucas Bergstrom just sort of floats around in the background like the ghost of a foetal beanpole; Eddie Beach, I fear, may not even be real.

As such, a certain Todd ‘Almighty’ Boehly will be required to indulge his kleptomaniac tendencies once again. According to the Evening Standard, at the time of writing there are two main goalkeeping candidates currently catching the eye of Chelsea’s recruitment department. One is Valencia’s Giorgi Mamardashvili, the other is Borussia Dortmund’s Gregor Kobel. For the sake of my increasingly arthritic fingers, at least, I hope they sign the latter.

Mercifully, the data would seem to suggest that is a wise idea too. As per Wyscout, the kind of meticulous numerical resource that probably possesses stats on how many times a player coughs over the course of 90 minutes somewhere deep in its bowels, Kobel was, by most metrics, the better player last season.

According to the figures, he made more saves per game, including more that required some sort of reflex reaction, he had a higher short pass completion rate, suggesting a certain ease with the ball at his feet, and he conceded fewer goals per game, despite facing more shots and averaging a higher xCG (that’s expected conceded goals to you or I) per outing. Not to get all early noughties Soccer AM, but at 25, he is a great age too, and it is fair to suggest that he has been one of Dortmund’s standout performers since he signed from Stuttgart in 2021 and forced his way into the starting XI.

This feels, then, like a no-brainer - and not in the same way that much of Chelsea’s other recent headless chicken transfer activity has. Kobel is evidently a player of both pedigree and potential, and could be the kind of astute acquisition that can sustain an elite side for a long, long time.

At this stage, it is unclear as to exactly how highly Dortmund value their number one, although it is worth noting that he is under contract until 2026, and his market value looks to around £30 million. In short, he won’t be cheap, but if their recent misfires between the sticks have taught Chelsea anything by now, it should be that a good goalkeeper is almost invaluable.

Do the right thing, Todd; pay the money, sign the player, and cross one persistent headache off your list for the next decade or so.