Man Utd’s persona non grata, West Ham’s £40m hungry hungry hippos, Cristiano Ronaldo’s Geordie Shore reunion

All of the latest Premier League transfer news, including Man Utd, Newcastle, and West Ham
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Today is officially the last day that it will feel normal to have no Premier League football on. From tomorrow, when there would ordinarily be a full round of top flight fixtures commencing, your world will be thrown off kilter and your heart will yearn for something that simply does not exist at this precise moment in time.

But today, well, today could be any other humdrum Friday during the campaign - promising nothing and expecting nothing in return. Be warned though, that shock is coming, and it’s coming very, very soon. What you need, then, is a distraction; something to take your mind off the trauma hovering above your head like a cartoon anvil in a Looney Tunes short. How about three carefully-curated transfer rumours? Sound good? Sounds good.

Manchester United defender Harry Maguire. (Photo by Matt McNulty/Getty Images)Manchester United defender Harry Maguire. (Photo by Matt McNulty/Getty Images)
Manchester United defender Harry Maguire. (Photo by Matt McNulty/Getty Images)

Maguire facing expensive exit

Have you ever felt unwanted? Like everybody in a room was just waiting for you to leave so that they could carry on with their thoroughly nice time in your absence? Have you ever been reluctantly cast as the pariah, the undesirable, the persona non grata? Sure you have. We all have. But I promise you, no matter how palpably you have been aware of your own unpopularity, you have never felt it as badly as Harry Maguire is right now.

According to a report from the Daily Mail, Manchester United would have to pay as much as £10 million to get the lumbering centre-back off their books this summer, and y’know what, they just might do it. With two years left to run on his contract at Old Trafford, and with his first team opportunities at a premium, there is an expectation that Saturday’s FA Cup final could be Maguire’s last game for the Red Devils. If he even features, that is.

The 3AM Verdict: At a certain point, the kindest thing to do in a situation like this is to put everybody out of their misery. Yes, Maguire’s departure would cost United a pretty packet, but if it frees up space on the wage bill for new signings - and if it gives the England international a chance to reset his career - then so be it.

Ward-Prowse in demand

Imagine, if you will, a giant Hungry Hungry Hippos board. In the far corner, one of the plastic even-toed ungulates is wearing black and white stripes. Another, on the near side perhaps, is robed in a deep shade of gold, with a wolf tattooed on its chest. Occupying the two other spaces, facing each other with gormless, gaping grins are a pair of beasts kitted out in claret and blue. Slap bang in the middle of them all is a marble with James Ward-Prowse’s face on it.

According to The Sun, the Southampton captain is at the centre of a four-way tussle between Newcastle United, West Ham, Aston Villa, and Wolves, with the winner having the honour of paying £40 million for a man who can do absolutely anything with a ball, so long as it is completely still when he approaches it.

The 3AM Verdict: Look, we’ve spoken about Ward-Prowse before. The simple fact of the matter is that whoever does land him this summer is going to be bringing in a real asset, with ample quality and bucket loads of Premier League experience. From the player’s perspective, there are probably pros and cons to each potential move, but at the end of the day, it’s nice he has options.

Ronaldo snubs Toon

And finally, Cristiano Ronaldo has moved to distance himself from suggestions that he could be on his way to Newcastle United this summer. Speculation has mounted in recent days amid claims that he is unhappy in Saudi Arabia, and would instead prefer to play for a club who are only owned by the Saudis instead.

Ronaldo himself has quashed the rumours, however, with a single fell swoop. “I am happy here, I want to continue here, I will continue here,” he said earlier this week. And if you ask us, that’s a crying shame, because if there is one man whose entire aesthetic screams ‘original Geordie Shore cast member who has had to return to the show following a very costly and messy divorce proceeding’ it is CR7. In that sense, he would have fit right in.

The 3AM Verdict: This is a good development for Newcastle United, I promise you. Ronaldo is not the player he once was, but his ego remains as strong as ever, and with the Magpies about to embark on a first continental campaign in years, the last thing they need are any destabilising presences in the dressing room. Stick to the recruitment strategy that has served them so well up to this point, and they’d be far better served.

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