The almost impossible Newcastle United summer signing that would break the internet

Let me take you back to October 7, 2021. While Newcastle United supporters were guzzling Brown Ale and partying long into the night after being liberated by Mike Ashley, the media were speculating.

Bookmakers were taking odds on Kylian Mbappe ditching Notre Dame for the Bigg Market. Two years on, those forecasts look more inaccurate than a British weather report.

Since the Saudi-backed takeover, the Magpies have been measured in their transfer approach. Many believed the FFP/PSR card was a cunning tactic used to keep costs down while tempering expectations on Tyneside.

However, like the boy who cried wolf, Newcastle were hamstrung by financial constraints in January. They were not the only ones, too, with Premier League clubs spending £700million less in the winter window than they did a year earlier.

A fresh accounting year begins in July, with Toon chiefs buoyed by Champions League revenue etched firmly on their balance sheet. Increased sponsorship revenue, like the recent Sela shirt deal, also kick in from this summer. That could provide Newcastle the financial muscle to make a game-changing signing. Toon fans have longed for their Robinho-esque moment; a pioneer to walk through the door and inspire others to follow suit.

Or, in Bruno Guimaraes or Alexander Isak’s case, making them stay. How long is it until taking possession, looking up and seeing Miguel Almiron in front of him becomes tiresome for Guimaraes? Who should that be? What player would evoke the Alan Shearer-style celebrations outside of St James’ Park? Do not laugh, hear this one out…

Bukayo Saka.

A man eulogised by Arsenal supporters, the England star is arguably the best wideman in Europe right now. Saka is competing at the upper echelons of English and European football, with Mikel Arteta’s men aiming for a historic double. So why would he jump ship to join a Newcastle side sitting 10th in the Premier League? Because like so many others from further afield, the 22-year-old is a “little Magpie” at heart.

“I was standing on the pitch at Old Trafford,” Saka said in 2020. “I’d been here 10 years earlier with my dad, sitting in the away end with the Newcastle fans. My dad supported Newcastle because he loved Alan Shearer.

“I hadn’t been to many stadiums at all, so it was a big moment for me, as an eight-year-old, to go to a game. But now here I was as a player. Being down on the pitch, looking up at the fans in the stands, it really hit me. I realised what was starting to happen.”

Newcastle were a relegation-threatened side when Saka went public about his hidden black-and-white love affair. Even though Arsenal were not where they are now, the Magpies had no chance of signing him.

But with an ambitious project, a re-energised city at full tilt and the chance to be the face of the Geordie rebuild - not to mention living his father’s dream - Saka would be the perfect summer signing to propel Newcastle into the big leagues. To be brutally honest, if Toon chiefs take the club to the promised land, where will Arsenal be?

Saka has one FA Cup honour to his name for a campaign he barely featured in. Yes, he won a medal, but is that it? Arsenal have been top-six also-rans for 20 years.

Chelsea, despite their recent woes, have arguably leapfrogged the Gunners as far as the biggest club in London is concerned. Joining Newcastle would instantly plunge Saka into the odyssey of a lifetime.

Manchester City enjoyed the last major takeover in English football. When Sheikh Mansour moved in, he bullied Arsenal, signing the likes of Emmanuel Adebayor, Gael Clichy, Samir Nasri and even Patrick Vieira from Inter Milan just to rub it in - why cannot Newcastle do the same?

Now you are no longer hysterical and are fully on board with the Saka to Newcastle idea. Signing him could be the panacea to all of the Magpies’ problems, showing they mean business at the top table and, most importantly, triggering a domino effect of success.