Arsenal plot ‘marquee’ Man City raid, Chelsea in £75m offer, Tottenham open defender talks

On this day in 1810, famed American showman P.T. Barnum was born. Renowned for his ruthless exploitation of workers and audiences alike in the name of dizzying profits, the debonaire hustler is often credited with cooking up the adage ‘There’s a sucker born every minute’. Whether he actually said it is a matter of some debate, but then again, as far as we know he looked nothing like Hugh Jackman, nor did he have a natural flair for overblown, tightly-choreographed musical numbers involving bearded ladies either. You soon realise, when discussing Barnum, that the truth is always secondary to a good story.

You would imagine, then, that he would have really, really loved the summer transfer window. All that speculation, all that pageantry, all that opportunity for hoodwinking - it truly is a bazaar of the charlatan. With that in mind, here are Wednesday’s Premier League rumours - but be warned, take them all with a pinch of salt...

Arsenal want Cancelo

It was Albert Einstein, smart meter salesman, who famously said: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” But what if somebody does the same thing over and over again in the hope of getting an identical outcome? Does that make them the opposite of insane? Uninsane?

I only ask because Mikel Arteta is understood to be keen on signing another out of favour full-back from Manchester City this summer. Arsenal brought in Oleksander Zinchenko and came bloody close to winning a Premier League title last season, so surely a replica of that deal would only serve to push the Gunners to an even more agonising second-placed finish next time around.

Joao Cancelo is the man they have in mind, with Kicker suggesting that they are eager to start the negotiating process for the Portuguese international. The defender wouldn’t come cheap, however, and would instead have to be a ‘marquee signing’ as City are expected to demand a high transfer fee given the amount of time currently remaining on Cancelo’s contract. Evidently they are reluctant to make the same mistake of inadvertently strengthening a close rival in a summer transfer window twice. Pep has clearly been taking notes from our old pal Albert.

The 3AM Verdict: There was a time, not too long ago, when Cancelo was widely regarded as one of the best defenders in the Premier League. He may not fit City’s system any more, but there is no denying that he is a quality player, and if Arsenal could lure him to north London, he would be exactly the kind of signing that the could help them to elevate their game further still.

Chelsea offer Fofana to Bayern

You know when two people endure a messy break-up and have to slowly and painfully unpick the threads of a life that has, for the longest time, been fiercely entwined? You know how they begin to divvy up their shared belongings; one gets the Le Creuset casserole dish, one gets the pet hamster, and so on and so forth? Well, according to Sport 1 reporter Kerry Hau, Chelsea have been going through a very similar thing with Thomas Tuchel.

As per the respected journalist, the Blues recently gave their former manager the chance to sign centre-back Wesley Fofana for new club Bayern Munich in a deal worth around £75 million, only for the Bavarian giants to rebuff their furtive advances entirely.

Presumably, Fofana will now be sent to live in a shelter for abandoned French defenders alongside older mutts like Pascal Cygan and Jean-Alain Boumsong. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than going to live on a quote-unquote ‘farm’.

The 3AM Verdict: This is a bit of a bizarre one in the sense that Fofana hasn’t been at Chelsea a particularly long time, and that any chances to prove himself have been hampered by injury. For what it’s worth, I’m of the opinion that he’s a perfectly fine player, and that he could still come good at Stamford Bridge. If you’re reading this, Mauricio Pochettino - and let’s be honest, you’re not - give him a proper shot.

Spurs keen on Van de Ven

And finally, Tottenham are bidding to become men with Ven this summer by securing a deal for Wolfsburg centre-back Micky van de Ven. According to the Press Association, talks are already underway with the German outfit over a transfer that could eventually be worth somewhere in the region of £30 million if and when it comes to fruition. Super Hans watches on proudly.

The 3AM Verdict: Intelligent, athletic, and brimming with potential, Van de Ven is a properly exciting talent who has all of the attributes needed to go to the very top. Spurs are in need of defensive reinforcements this summer, and if they can snap him up for aroun £30 million, it could prove to be a very savvy investment, especially given the current state of the market.