Arsenal’s £90m exploding bird, Aston Villa’s caveman, and Tottenham’s other Frank

All of the latest Premier League transfer speculation, including Arsenal, Aston Villa, and Tottenham.
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I am a wreck. At the time of writing, it is a little over 11 hours until Sunderland kick off their Championship play-off semi-final second leg against Luton Town, and I am already in pieces. My heart feels like a panicked moth trapped inside of a lamp shade, and I have a violent urge to pace.

As such, even the words ‘Premier League’ are making me feel all kinds of nauseous, so please, for the sake of my sanity, let’s keep today’s top flight transfer speculation short and sweet. Sometimes I hate football...

Arsenal in for Rice

They say that the early bird gets the worm, but what about the early bird that gets the Rice? Well, if years of urban myth and schoolyard folklore have taught us anything, it’s that their stomach is likely to expand until they explode in a small detonation of carbs and feathers. Arsenal will be hoping for no such fate this summer, especially given that David Ornstein, respected transfer oracle, has suggested that they plan to act swiftly in their pursuit of West Ham’s Declan Rice.

A bid of around £90 million for the midfielder is being touted from elsewhere, and there are suggestions that they still hold an interest in Brighton midfielder Moises Caicedo too, although it remains to be seen whether the Gunners will have the financial capability to complete deals for both players in the coming weeks and months.

The 3AM Verdict: I think I spend a greater proportion of my day thinking about Declan Rice than I do about my loved ones. The speculation surrounding the West Ham midfielder is incessant, and at this stage, if he doesn’t move this summer, I will feel personally affronted. Facetiousness aside, you know as well as I do that this would be a good signing for Arsenal. Rice is quality, the Gunners need reinforcements in the centre of the park, and sometimes things really are as simple as that.

Martinez wants out

Like a caveman or a golfer with a creeping sense of inadequacy, Aston Villa goalkeeper Emi Martinez wants a bigger club. That’s according to Football Insider, who claim that the Argentine World Cup winner is angling for a move this summer as he looks to fulfil his ambitions of winning more silverware in the latter stages of his career.

Both Chelsea and Manchester United are mentioned as potential suitors, but with the 30-year-old’s contract running until 2027, it would likely take a huge bid to prise him away from Villa Park.

The 3AM Verdict:Tricky one this. On the one hand, when you’ve just been named the best goalkeeper in the world and are still riding the adrenaline buzz of winning a literal bloody World Cup with Lionel Messi, it is easy to see how you might get a taste for the ol’ silverware. On the other, if you’re going to sign a contract until 2027, don’t be surprised if your current club are reluctant to sell. Either way, if - and it’s a big if - somebody were to lure Martinez away from Villa this summer, they would be signing a marvellous player.

Tottenham eye Frank

And finally, Tottenham are looking across the capital towards west London, and they’ve decided they want Frank. No, not Lampard - give them at least some credit - but rather Brentford manager, Thomas. According to talkSPORT journalist Alex Crooks, the Bees are anticipating an approach from Spurs for their madcap Dane in the near future, with Daniel Levy currently burning through other viable candidates for his vacancy in the dugout in a manner much akin to the way that I burn through a packet of Jaffa Cakes; i.e. so quickly that it makes me feel a bit queasy.

The 3AM Verdict: Frank has proven himself as a Premier League manager, and the work he has done in the top flight with Brentford over these past couple of season has been nothing short of remarkable. He arguably deserves a big move, but Tottenham would be the right club to provide it, I’m not sure. Spurs have shown themselves to be a poisoned chalice of late, and while he’s onto such a good thing in west London, he might be unwise to jump ship so readily.