Five ex-footballers we would rather see on Dragons’ Den than Gary Neville - including former Arsenal star

To quote the man himself, it all feels a little ‘unbelieeeeeevable’. Gary Neville, as you have probably heard by now, is joining the panel of investors on iconic BBC show Dragons’ Den. Rumours that brother Phil is being courted for a recurring role on Gogglebox remain unfounded.

Facetiousness aside, there are obvious reasons why Neville is deserving of his own custom leather recliner in a disused warehouse loft. He is, by any metric, a self-made man, one who has grown beyond the broad confines of a professional footballing career to become a respected pundit, entrepreneur, and social issue advocate in his own right. Then, of course, there is the matter of brand recognition. If you can look me in the eye and tell me you won’t be tuning in to see whether the actual, real-life Gary Neville is willing to invest chunks of his own hard-earned personal wealth in, say, a collection of bespoke oven gloves for dogs you are either a liar or a fool.

But the announcement of Neville’s newfound Dragon status did get the old grey matter oscillating, and with that in mind, here are four more former footballers - and one current one - who, in our humble opinion, would make for appointment viewing...

Dion Dublin

The first hurdle would be explaining to Dion that it there are no stairs going up to the Den, but once that was out of the way and he had safely disembarked the rickety old elevator, there’s no reason to believe that he couldn’t make for a pretty decent Dragon. Affable, enthusiastic, and above all, knowledgeable, Dublin would bring with him an unusual measure of televisual experience given his glorious, genre-redefining tenure as a host on Homes Under the Hammer.

And as for his business savvy? Well, you’re looking at a man who invented The Dube. Naysayers will say its just a box that you slap, but to those naysayers, we say, wash your goddamned mouths out and have some ruddy respect for a goliath of the perscussive pantheon.

Gennaro Gattuso

Two incredibly significant parts of being an impactful Dragon are the abilities to, one, be scary, and two, look good in an exorbitantly-priced leather armchair. Gennaro Gattuso, the illegitimate love child of Animal from The Muppets and a Roman candle, could surely manage both with aplomb. Never one to shirk the speaking of his mind, the Italian would be wonderful value for money, eviscerating prospective entrepreneurs and crushing dreams like Maltesers beneath a steamroller.

He knows his stuff too. Believe it or not, when he’s not reducing shin bones and egos to a fine dust, Gattuso owns his own fish shop back in his home town of Corigliano Calabro.

Mathieu Flamini

A serious entry here. The business acumen that former Arsenal midfielder Mathieu Flamini has shown in the aftermath of his footballing career is nothing short of astounding. The Frenchman is the co-founder of GF Biochemicals, the first company in the world who were capable of mass producing levulinic acid. The substance is an oil alternative that has many practical uses.

And just how successful have Flamini’s ventures been? Well, it is widely suggested that he is now a billionaire, and to contextualise his exact personal wealth further, as of February, it was reported that he was worth around 30 times more than Cristiano Ronaldo. So yeah, fairly successful.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic

There are two versions of Zlatan Ibrahimovic - the man and the brand. At times, it is difficult to disentangle the two, such is the proficiency with which he has established himself as a towering icon of the footballing world over the past two decades, but the fact remains that when it comes to building a personal empire from nothing, Ibra knows what’s what.

And then, of course, there is his personality. Like him or loathe him, there is no denying that the Swede is a charismatic powerhouse, and whether you believe his arrogance is an earnest hubris or mere bravado, you can’t deny that he offers bang for buck in the entertainment stakes.

Mario Balotelli

All you need to know about Mario Balotelli and the wisdom with which he has spent his money in the past is that he once, on a whim, decided to purchase a pet pig named Super (get it? Super Mario...) then ran into all kinds of problems with British authorities when he tried to bring it with him from Milan after signing for Liverpool in 2014. The solution, as it transpires, was for Mario to register himself as a certified porcine breeder with the government. Like, this actually happened.

This is exactly the kind of dunder-headed impulsivity with absurd long-term consequences that we need on Dragons’ Den. Simple as that. Do you remember those oven gloves for dogs we mentioned in the introduction? Mario will give you £200,000 for a 3% stake in the company. No further questions.