Man Utd suffer £86m striker blow as club ‘do everything’ to sign Tottenham star and Fulham plot Chelsea raid

What if, one summer, nobody signed anybody? If all the clubs in world football decided that, in actual fact, they were pretty happy with their lots, and that they were quite content to see in the new campaign with the squads they already had at their disposal?

What if Fabrizio Romano didn’t fire off 350 tweets a day about every painstaking detail of every mind-numbing transfer whisper, or if Sky Sports never dyed their news banner that cyberpunk canary shade of yellow? What if all the money that is tossed about like plastic casino chips at a kitchen table poker night was instead used to feed stray dogs or fill in the craterous potholes that pockmark every street in the country like the surface of a vast tarmac crumpet? What then?

Alas, we’ll never know. Here are Friday’s Premier League transfer rumours...

Hudson-Odoi on Fulham radar

It feels like barely a day goes by without some Premier League footballer or other being linked with a lucrative move to Saudi Arabia. Nobody is safe, everybody is a candidate - it’s like jury duty, but where the passing of bulging envelopes stuffed with grubby cash is actively encouraged.

Among the latest smattering of chosen ones to be subjected to the temptation of an oil-slicked slip ‘n’ slide is Chelsea winger Callum Hudson-Odoi, although the understanding is that the wide man has no interest in an Arabian sojourn, and instead wishes to fight for relevancy on these sewange-stained shores. Good for him.

The Evening Standard report that Fulham are particularly keen on signing the 22-year-old, especially given the fact that veteran Brazilian Willian (that rhymes) could be on his way to Nottingham Forest. The attacker has rejected an initial one-year contract extension at Craven Cottage and could make more cold, hard cash at the City Ground. What’s the betting he signs for a Saudi Arabian club before the end of 2024?

The 3AM Verdict:It’s easy to forget that Hudson-Odoi is still so young. It feels as if he has been around forever already, but his career has unquestionably stagnated, and it does appear as if he needs a fresh start at a club where he could be the main man. Fulham could offer him that, especially if Willian does snub the offer of a new contract. All in all, this could be a deal that suits everybody involved.

Man United have Hojlund bid rejected

Manchester United continue to be linked with a move for Erling Haaland’s non-union equivalent, Rasmus Hojlund, but have been left frustrated in their efforts to sign the Atalanta striker thus far. Erik ten Hag has, by all accounts, identified the Dane as the man that he wants to lead his line next season, but the Red Devils’ latest scheme to lure him to Old Trafford looks to have been flatly snubbed.

According to the The Athletic, the Serie A club have rejected a players-plus-cash offer from United, and instead are insisting upon a cash only deal for the 20-year-old forward. It is unclear as to which players the Red Devils tried to ship off to Italy, but the £86 million price tag attached to Hojlund remains the same.

The 3AM Verdict:This is a blow to United, no doubt. If there was a way of reducing both Hojlund’s asking price and their own wage bill, that would have been an absolute dream for the Red Devils, but instead, it looks as if Atalanta are willing to stand their ground until their valuation of the forward is met. Whether United themselves believe he is worth that much, or whether they are able to match that valuation with the rest of their transfer budget this summer remains to be see.

PSG want Kane

Another day, another Harry Kane update. Truly, he is the heir apparent to Declan Rice’s gossip king crown. This time, a report from French outlet RMC, who suggest that Paris Saint-Germain are going to do ‘everything possible’ to lure the England captain away from Tottenham Hotspur in the coming weeks.

Those poor, sweet summer children. Have they no notion of Daniel Levy’s stubbornness? They can plot and scheme and commit to all the glittering pursuits they like, but if the Spurs chief decides he doesn’t want to do something, he’s not gonna do it. Just ask Bayern Munich.

It is understood that PSG will deploy representatives to speak with Kane’s people in the near future, but again, everything is likely to hinge on whether or not they get anywhere close to the £100 million or so that Spurs are said to be demanding.

The 3AM Verdict: If there is one club who might have the financial firepower to sway Levy this summer, it is PSG - especially if they do cash in on Kylian Mbappe. Spurs will know the risk they run by allowing Kane to see out his contract in north London, and if a big, big offer comes in, it might just be enough to turn heads, even if losing their star man would be a hammer blow.