Liverpool’s Home Alone search party, Man Utd’s January Terrier adoption, Tottenham keen on fuming icon

Has anybody seen Alexis? The last time a Mac Allister remained this unaccounted for over the festive period, Macaulay Culkin committed multiple premeditated acts of attempted murder against a pair of home invaders. Actually, come to think of it, should Argentina win the North American World Cup next time, the Brighton midfielder might get his Lost in New York sequel too. Never fear though, because Liverpool, selfless and noble humanitarians that they are, have joined the search party for a man who presumably hasn’t slept since the night of December 17th. And good on him.

According to La Repubblica, the Reds are eager to lure the 24-year-old to Anfield, but face competition from the likes of Benfica, Juventus, and Borussia Dortmund. A fee of around £34 million is being touted by the Italian outlet, which, to be frank, is about as believable as the scene in Home Alone where Kevin sledges straight down his staircase and out of the front door when the two are clearly not aligned. Seriously, rewatch it. Did John Hughes have no respect for the laws of physics?

Elsewhere, Manchester United are challenging the well-worn mantra of ‘a dog is for life, not just for Christmas’ by asking ‘well, what happens if we get a Terrier in January?’. Yes, the Red Devils - seeking a striker who can provide 100% of Cristiano Ronaldo’s goal return with approximately 15% of the drama - are keeping tabs on Rennes’ French finisher Martin Terrier, who only just narrowly missed out on a spot in Didier Deschamps’ World Cup squad.

According to Media Foot, both United and Tottenham have been in contact over a player who was valued at around £30 million last summer. Let the idle speculation commence!

And finally, Jordan Pickford, a goalkeeper whose rampant indignation at being forced into doing even the slightest bit of work makes him the most relatable man in the country, is in demand. Tottenham, Manchester United, and Chelsea are all interested in the England number one amid ongoing uncertainty over his contract situation at Everton, according to the Daily Mail. Get the rave on.