Leicester City’s nervous wreck, Chelsea’s teen slasher flick, and Aston Villa’s samba lemon

Graham Potter is a nervous wreck. He’s been at Cobham all morning, roll of bin liners in hand, emptying desk drawers and making sure that he hasn’t left any tiny flecks of blu tack on the wall before he locks up his office one last time. They leave a mark after a while. On the windowsill, his phone is going nineteen to the dozen, buzzing and pinging as a flood of condolences rush in from near and far.

But the thing is, Graham knows. With every notification his heart judders in his rib cage and the sweat on his palms chills a little further. Nobody can run forever, and nobody (Alan Curbishley aside) can every truly escape the nauseating spin of the managerial merry-go-round. He is trapped like a spider in a bathtub, and it is only a matter of time before he gets the message that will open up the cold tap and send him careering towards the plughole: ‘Aiyawatt Srivaddhanaprabha replied to your story: Heyyyyyyy, G-Dawg! If you ever wanna talk, you know where I am bbz! Call me xxx’.

Potter, bless him, has already been installed as the bookies’ favourite to replace fellow Sunday casualty Brendan Rodgers at Leicester City - well ahead of Rafa Benitez, well ahead of Nigel Pearson, and well ahead of Mauricio Pochettino. No doy.

Whether Graham would be up for getting back on the proverbial horse so soon after it bucked him off and broke his proverbial clavicle remains to be seen, but then again, the nature of carousel equestrianism is that it never, ever, ever, bleeding stops. Maybe he should just hop in the saddle and get the whole ordeal over with. That being said, if he were to sink Chelsea and relegate Leicester in the same season, his reputation would be as good as irrevocable.

As for Todd ‘I’m not like Roman but have already sacked two managers since last May’ Boehly, he supposedly wants Julian Nagelsmann to be his next appointment/victim (delete as applicable). Again, this is according to the bookmakers, but hey, when have they ever been wrong before?

The German really can’t seem to catch a break at the moment. First he had to cut short a skiing holiday for the sole and express reason that Bayern Munich wanted to give him the boot in person, and then now he’s being linked with a job that has a survival rate worse than most teen slasher movies. Could always be worse, though. He could have been touted for the Tottenham Hotspur vacancy too. Oh wait...

And finally, an unnamed Saudi Arabian club are said to be interested in offering a big money contract to Aston Villa’s samba lemon Philippe Coutinho - and now that you’ve heard it, you know it makes absolute and perfect sense.