Man City’s Countdown conundrum, Newcastle’s love affair, and Man Utd’s Indiana Jones chase

It’s finally happened. A Premier League club has been linked with Napoli’s Khvicha Kvaratskhelia, and the part of my brain that deals with spelling has turned to a viscous grey mush and is now slowly trickling out of my ear. And yeah, I may have spelt his name right on this occasion, but only because I googled it then copied and pasted.

The last time I had this disorienting sensation was during an A-level History course on the Cold War when first encountering former Soviet Premier and die-hard Disneyland fanatic (look it up) Nikita Khrushchev. The secret is to put an ‘H’ at every given opportunity.

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Anyways, the cause of my liquid lobotomy this morning are Manchester City, who, according to the Daily Mail, are keeping tabs on Kvaratskhelia ahead of a potential move. Will they get their man? Who can say, but at the very least, interest in a player known around Naples as ‘Kvaradona’ is probably quite justified. That nickname is also a damn sight simpler than the Countdown conundrum he wears on the back of his shirt.

Elsewhere, Newcastle United manager Eddie Howe ‘loves’ Solly March. How sweet. According to Graeme Bailey, the Toon boss is monitoring the progress of a player who has shown some of the best form of his career in recent weeks, begging the question as to whether the infatuation might actually fall closer to ‘lust’ than ‘true devotion’ on the spectrum of admiration.

Either way, the Magpies are being touted as potential suitors for a player who has regularly been described as ‘clever’ in the past. Perhaps he can spell ‘Khvicha Kvaratskhelia’ without having to google it.

And finally, Manchester United are said to be ‘following’ Everton goalkeeper Jordan Pickford, which all sounds a bit sinister. Maybe the England international can lose them by heading into a crowded bazaar and hiding in a wicker basket or something, like that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark.