Arsenal’s £100m mountain expedition, West Ham’s domino train, and Tottenham’s insane asylum revolving door

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the longest domino wall in history came in at a measurement of 51.727m, or 169 ft 7 in, and was achieved by Alex Koops, Steven Price, Derek Koops, Christopher Wright, Mark Robbins, Michael Fantuazzo, Matt Van Vleck, Brady Dolan, and Timothy Dunsmore, in Taylor, Michigan, USA, on April 2nd 2022. Planning for the attempt took over a month, and building the wall itself took 6 days.

Now, this morning’s Premier League transfer rumours can’t offer up that kind of stunning exhibition of cause and effect, but it does bring with its very own domino train of sorts, consisting of... two players. Stand down, Guinness-employee-with-performative-prop-clipboard, I reckon the record is safe for now. Anyways...

Domino One

Did you know that Arsenal are interested in signing West Ham midfielder Declan Rice this summer? Of course you did, you’re a human being who lives on planet Earth! Well, if Football Insider are to be believed, Mikel Arteta has gathered the Sherpas, sharpened the ol’ ice picks, and ‘climbed’ (their words, not mine) into a ‘very strong position’ to complete a deal for the England international.

Any agreement for Rice is likely to cost somewhere in the region of £100 million, and would require the Gunners to fend off interest from Manchester City and the raging barn fire that is Chelsea, who continue to circle like a pack of famished wolves in a narrow mountain pass.

The 3AM Verdict: Rice feels nailed on to leave West Ham this summer, and Arsenal increasingly seem as if they will be his next destination. It’s a deal that could benefit everybody. The midfielder is fully deserving of a top six move, and the Gunners are in need of reinforcements in the centre of the park. Even the Hammers, who will be eager to retain Rice in the coming months, could do far worse than securing £100 million for him.

Domino Two

With Rice on his way out, West Ham are going to need a replacement. Again, we turn to Football Insider, who inform us that the Irons are interested in Eintracht Frankfurt midfielder Djibril Sow. Add him to the list of players who sound like they could be Star Wars characters alongside the likes of Divock Origi and Mile Jedinak.

Sometimes you reap what you sow, and sometimes you reap what you pay £30 million for, plus add-ons. The Swiss international is entering the final 12 months of his contract in Germany too, in case you’re interested in that sort of thing.

The 3AM Verdict: The man who replaces Declan Rice at West Ham is going to have one of the most unenviable tasks in football. Not only is the England international adored in East London, but he is also the heartbeat of this Hammers side. It’s never easy to tell how well a foreign acquisition will fare in the Premier League, but Sow certainly has the pedigree. An experienced Swiss international in the prime of his career with European competition experience, if this works out, he would be a snip at £30 million in today’s market.

A Third, Entirely Unrelated Domino

And finally, Tottenham, a team who so often flatter to deceive before ultimately failing to produce any kind of meaningful end product, are keen on... Allan Saint-Maximin. Go figure. That update come from Fichajes, who suggest that Spurs are one of a number of Premier League clubs who have been alerted to Newcastle United’s apparent willingness to offload the winger this summer.

At least the Frenchman - who, according to an Uber driver I had in Newcastle once, is a certifiable ‘nice guy’ - would help to improve the vibes around the place in north London. Or then again, maybe Tottenham would do what Tottenham increasingly do best and suck the very spirit from his soul until he is left as nothing more than a mere husk of a man, spinning endlessly on the spot like a broken revolving door in an insane asylum, or a malfunctioning Roomba. There’s only one way to find out for certain...

The 3AM Verdict: Facetiousness aside, Saint-Maximin is some player. There are few talents in the Premier League who can do what he can do with the ball at his feet, but there is still a lingering suspicion that he needs to add more end product to his game. If he can do that, Spurs would be making a very exciting signing, but whether this particular leopard can ever change his spots, I’m not so sure. Still, could be a lot of fun, though.