Interim or not, Chelsea have to get rid of Frank Lampard

Let’s be frank, he has to go. I mean, he probably won’t, but he should. On Wednesday night, Mr. Lampard took his extortionately-assembled gang of holograms to Brentford and lost 2-0. Chelsea continue to resemble a remote-controlled drone in the hands of a child; every time they leave the house they seem to crash. To mix things up a little, on this instance, they got smashed to pieces with a length of lead pipe by the local snot-nosed bullies.

It is now five games, five defeats for Lampard since he returned to Stamford Bridge in an interim capacity. Expectations for his homecoming were low, but bloody hell. The Blues have slinked out of the Champions League, have slumped into the bottom half of the Premier League table, and have generally deteriorated to such an extent that they barely even register as a punchline anymore. A joke is only funny the first fifty to sixty times.

Theirs is a state of perpetual purgatory, assuming purgatory bears a striking likeness to the inside of a spinning washing machine filled with kitchen knives and a creeping sense of sadness. Of course, that’s not to say that the blame is solely Lampard’s. It is becoming increasingly evident that many of the issues Chelsea face are, if not systemic, at least deeply entrenched. Recruitment has been wild and lousy, and the decision to oust Graham Potter just months into the establishment of a supposedly patient and glorious long-term project under Todd Boehly feels more and more futile with each passing botch.

But nor is Lampard above reproach. The idea behind parachuting him in was to introduce a modicum of stability under the stewardship of a well-loved figurehead who knows the club better than anybody. In a sense, he has done that, assuming that you are willing to accept that a 100% loss record is a kind of steadiness. People talk about the fabled ‘new manager bounce’ - Lampard’s arrival has been akin to a watermelon hitting a pavement from the top of a tower block.

So, what is to be done? Well, across London, Tottenham have already set a precedent for booting interim managers this season by relieving Cristian Stellini of his temporary duties in the dugout. If Chelsea could identify and convince their next permanent appointment sooner rather than later, that might not be the worst example for them to follow.

The mess engulfing Stamford Bridge at present is complex and daunting and rather gruesome. It’s like a Gordian Knot of crap. Whichever unfortunate is eventually chosen to untangle it will need all the time they can get, and if that means giving them a headstart towards the back end of this season, so be it.

There is nothing left for Chelsea to play for this term. That’s not me being overly-fatalistic, it’s just an expression of fact. They are drifting, all angst and apathy, waiting for something - or somebody - to put an end to their misery. Who that might be, there is no way of knowing for certain, but it sure as hell isn’t Frank Lampard.