The Premier League managers who should be James Bond - including Arsenal, Everton, and Newcastle bosses
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The name's Bond... James Rodriguez. Wait. That's not right. Earlier this week, various reports were leaked suggesting that British actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson has been offered the iconic role of 007, succeeding Daniel Craig, and potentially becoming the eighth man to don the famous tuxedo.
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Hide AdYour reaction to the news will likely hinge predominantly on how you feel about: A) a very posh man slaughtering goons who are trying to make a living, and B) your appreciation of the film Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging. Here at 3 Added Minutes, we must admit that we're not huge on either, but you can bet your bottom dollar that if there is a piece of SEO-rich culturally-adjacent content to be churned out in the aftermath of such an announcement, we will be there with bells on.
So, with that in mind, here are the Premier League managers that we think - nay, wholeheartedly insist - would make the perfect James Bond.
Sean Dyche
He'll have a Boddington's, shaken, not stirred. The biggest flaw in James Bond's arsenal, aside from his inability to keep his trousers on for more than twenty minutes at a time, is that he is just too damn debonair; he is not a believable everyman. How many lowly janitorial workers do you know, for instance, that happen to look like Pierce Brosnan? His cover is too flimsy, his sickeningly handsome features work against him. Dyche, on the other hand, is the most normal bloke in the world. You literally walk past 17 Sean Dyches every single day
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Hide Ad. You might not think you do, but you do - you just don't notice. Which is kind of the point. The Everton manager could infiltrate anywhere. He's a little like that Brian Butterfield Detective Agency sketch; firefighter, holidaymaker, infant - Dyche could do it all, seamlessly. Providing he doesn't speak, of course. As soon as he opens his mouth to spew forth those gravelly tones, it's game over.
Rob Edwards
That being said, James Bond is, traditionally speaking, supposed to be a piece of eye candy. In that regard, perhaps nobody in the Premier League fits the casting description quite as well as Luton Town manager Rob Edwards, a man who quite literally goes viral on a weekly basis for his dashing good looks. Certainly, he is one of the easier top flight managers to envisage propping up the bar in a Monte Carlo casino. Chris Wilder, not so much.
Mikel Arteta
Look, if we're being blunt, there are two main reasons for Arteta getting the nod here - his luscious head of hair and how good he looks in a turtleneck. There was uproar when Daniel Craig got cast as 007 all those years ago, with people barely able to comprehend the concept of a blonde Bond. Perhaps if the relevant studio execs ever worked up the courage to give the role to a bald man, the universe would implode. If Arteta got the job, we'd never have to find out.
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Hide AdEddie Howe
Never before has James Bond been played by two men at once, but given the way that Jason Tindall follows Howe around like a lost puppy, maybe we could change all of that. Imagine the Chuckle Brothers in an Aston Martin and you're halfway there. Just as some henchman or other believes he's finally got the best Eddie, WHAM!, here comes Mad Dog with a pencil that turns into a tranquilizer dart. (Come to think of it, don't think tranquilizer darts go 'WHAM!', but anyways.) An unstoppable, inseparable duo.
G'day Oddjob, mate.
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