Ten things eclipsed by Aston Villa’s current unbeaten streak - from Brian Clough to Jedward

Aston Villa are currently on a eight-match unbeaten run
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All hail Unai Emery, king of the improbable 180. The man could probably do a U-turn in a barge boat. When the Spaniard took over at Aston Villa, they were in trouble. Things had gone awry under Steven Gerrard to such an extent that there was muted and panicked talk of a relegation battle. Now the Villans harbour legitimate European aspirations.

Had the season started on the day Emery arrived at Villa Park, his side would comfortably be sitting in a Champions League spot. As things are, they are still perched in a lofty sixth, just six points off the top four. In large part, that is due to a formidable unbeaten run that stretches back as far as February 18th, when they were last vanquished, and encompasses some 63 days and eight Premier League matches.

To contextualise just how impressive a feat that is, here are 10 notable things that lasted less time than Villa’s current streak...

Brian Clough at Leeds United - 44 days

Would it even be an article about absurd footballing time spells if it didn’t reference Brian Clough’s doomed stint as Leeds United manager in some capacity? I think not. By now, you’ve probably heard the story a thousand times, and you might have seen The Damned United a thousand more. Suffice to say, Clough was out of there before you could say ‘Marching on Together’, and he never looked back.

Interestingly, though, a new fighter has entered the conversation in recent years. Sam Allardyce was England boss for just 67 days before he was unceremoniously ousted, and if Villa can avoid defeat against Brentford on Saturday and then again when they face Fulham on Tuesday, they will surpass that milestone too.

Liz Truss’ tenure as Prime Minister - 44 days

Maybe the worst Prime Minister this country has ever seen, and based on the last decade alone, that really is saying something. Liz rocked up, looked a bit vacant, scuttled the economy for a laugh, then sodded off again. It was the political equivalent of gatecrashing a house party drunk, throwing up on the living room carpet, and then being promptly escorted out by a furious host.

The entire debacle was pig-eared, but then again, what would you expect from somebody so obsessed with pork markets? By contrast, Unai Emery has shown how you are supposed to come in and steady a sinking ship. Hell, at this stage, if he were to stand in the next general election, I’d probably vote for him.

David Blaine hanging about in a box - 44 days

What is it about that magical 44 day mark? Like quicksand or strangers offering out candy from passing vans, I was led to believe as a child that David Blaine would be a much bigger presence (and perhaps threat) in my life than he actually is.

The freaky illusionist spent a little over six weeks suspended over the River Thames in a perspex cube back in 2003, seemingly just for the hell of it. (You see, Liz, there are ways of channelling your weirdest impulses that don’t involve financially ruining an entire country.) The noughties truly were a simpler time.

Bizarrely, I still think about this stunt with a pretty decent regularity. Few others since have made quite that kind of impact in and around a box. Perhaps Villa should look to sign Blaine this summer as a foil for Ollie Watkins.

Jedward on the X Factor - Seven weeks

Seven weeks we endured these troll dolls incarnate in the X Factor live shows. Seven bloody weeks. In that time, they sang/butchered ‘Rock DJ’, Oops!... I Did It Again’’, ‘She Bangs’, ‘We Will Rock You’, ‘’The Ghostbusters Theme’, and an Under Pressure/Ice, Ice Baby medley, but apparently it was a cover of Wham!’s ‘I’m Your Man’ that represented the final straw for the British public.

In fairness to the Irish twins, they have spent the years since their X Factor dalliance proving themselves to be thoroughly decent and philanthropic lads. And they went to Eurovision. As such, I will no longer hear a bad word said about them. Seven weeks, though? Travesty.

Lifespan of a dragonfly - 56 days

And we’re talking about the absolute upper limits of that lifespan too. Most don’t even last a fortnight, according to our trusted friend Google. Like, imagine the Dick Van Dyke of dragonflies. Villa are putting even him to shame.

Bonus dragonfly fact: they were some of the first winged insects to evolve, about 300 million years ago. Modern species have wingspans of around two to five inches, but fossils have been found of prehistoric critters with wingspans of up to two feet. New nightmare unlocked.

A series of Love Island - 56 days

There are two ways to approach this entry. Either I make a pretty lazy and rote joke about recoupling and Unai Emery’s wooing of the Villa (get it?!), or I tell you that the Chilean miners lasted 69 days underground and ask you to ponder whether you think that would be a more preferable ordeal to eight weeks stuck in a house with 12 fitness influencers and no clocks. You decide...

The moneyback guarantee on Phillips’ irons (and other electrical appliances) - 60 days

To quote the official Phillips website: “100% Satisfaction or your Money Back. We want you to be satisfied with your Philips products. However, if after using your product you aren’t satisfied for whatever reason then we’re offering a money back guarantee on eligible Philips Electrical products bought from any UK retailer.” Fair is fair.

If you’re not 100% satisfied with your Phillips iron, first of all, what are the chances that you would find this information out in an article about Aston Villa? And secondly, you can Google how to get a proper refund yourself. I’m not going to do it for you. Who do you think I am, Martin Lewis?

Of course, Villa’s unbeaten streak has lasted 63 days so far, but they have only actually been in action for around 720 minutes of that spell. So, with that in mind, here are three things that were shorter than that total of 12 hours...

The Longest Tennis Match in History- 11 hours, five minutes

A titanic struggle for the ages, and also maybe the greatest mid ‘00s landfill indie band name that never was. In 2010, John Isner and Nicolas Mahut went toe-to-toe in the first round of Wimbledon for a gargantuan 665 minutes. The final set eventually ended 70-68 to Isner, with the match finishing after a staggering 168 games in total. The thing is literally hyperbole-proof. Still shorter than Villa’s unbeaten run though...

A Lord of the Rings (Extended Version) marathon - 686 minutes

And you’d even have time for a bathroom break or two.

Drive from Paris to Villarreal - 11 hours, 59 minutes

Just in case Unai wants to go gloating or anything. He’d be cutting it fine, but he should be alright, traffic-depending.

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