Skechers, Snoop Dogg, and big game hunting: Harry Kane can join Bayern Munich or embrace valiant familiarity

It was the kind of headline you might expect from The Onion, a hunk of post-satirical ambergris that requires a certain level of verification before it is shared haphazardly into group chats near and far; ‘Harry Kane to sign lifetime boot deal with Skechers’. Quite why he gets an announcement for making such a commitment when your mam didn’t, who can say, but here we are.

According to various reports, the England captain will become the first big name player to don the American brand’s tentative foray into the world of elite football, and is expected to leave his contract with Nike after being spotted in a mysterious pair of blacked-out boots in recent weeks. What I would give to have been a fly on the wall for that particular conversation with his agent; ‘Hey Harry, just to let you know, mate, we’re ditching the tick and we’re signing with somebody new for the upcoming campaign... Is it Adidas? Puma? Erm, not quite, no...’.

Facetiousness aside, good on Kane. Through hard work and skilful endeavour he has established himself as one of the foremost icons of the global game, and he will surely be receiving a financial sponsorship package that fits his status accordingly. Whether he can ever make properly Skechers cool, however, is another matter entirely. If stars as illustrious as Snoop Dogg and Jamie Redknapp have already tried and failed, what possible chance does Harry have?

Kane’s decision to partner with the M&S ready meal of the footwear sphere does, however, speak to a certain bravery. Not the kind of bravery that rescues orphans from burning buildings or retrieves stolen purses from thieving hoodlums, but the courage to choose ease and comfort over something profoundly more thrilling in spite of conventional wisdom advocating for the contrary. And this should inspire at least a measure of hope in Tottenham supporters.

By now, you will know that Bayern Munich are embroiled in a positively Sisyphean negotiation process with Daniel Levy as they look to prise Kane away from north London this summer. Repeatedly, the Bundesliga champions make pleas to the sensibilities of the Spurs chief, and repeatedly he tells them, in no uncertain terms, where to go. Imagine, if you will, a child fastened into the back of a speeding people carrier begging for a McDonald’s as the vehicle sails straight past the service station exit, and you might be somewhere close. In short, Daniel is insistent that there is food home.

But the overwhelming consensus seems to be that, assuming Levy’s resolve eventually buckles, Kane should go to Germany. It is widely and frequently stated that for a player of his quality to potentially go an entire career without winning a major trophy would be an absolute travesty - and to be fair, it would.

Does that mean, however, that he should automatically bail at the first glint of guaranteed silverware? Well, perhaps not.

Oxymoronic as it may seem, it would be both unusually adventurous and yet disappointingly safe of Kane to join Bayern. There are no stakes to it. It’s like big game hunting in a safari park - easy, hollow. Move to Bavaria, take down a Bundesliga title or two, get soaked by a comically large goblet of beer, rinse, repeat, blah blah blah...

If Kane wants that for himself, then fair enough. He has earned the right to go where he pleases and to do likewise. But when the day comes for him to finally hang up his Skechers, will a handful of flat track accolades really leave more of a legacy than, say, becoming the Premier League’s greatest ever goalscorer? Or better yet, a piece of silverware with his boyhood club? It’s a matter of pure subjectivity, but one that is worth mulling over.

You see, Kane can opt for a path of effortless, fruitful upheaval, in much the same way that he could have inked a contract to encase his feet in the leathers of Adidas or Puma or any other brand that actually makes football boots. Or, he can embrace an intrepid comfort and delve further into the wilderness of familiarity.

If he does plump for the latter, Tottenham fans - like the millions of people around the globe who trust Skechers with their footwear needs on a daily basis - will be walking on air.