Chelsea’s social experiment as Blues target Kermit the Frog... maybe

I can’t believe I’m writing this. You’re going to think I’m taking the mick, that I’m just another tiny cog in the vast machinations of some shady secret organisation or other, intent on enacting a grand social experiment designed to test the limits of human patience and gullibility ahead of some hitherto hidden sinister plot for global domination. I promise you I’m not. Like, pinky swear. Here it goes; Chelsea are being linked with another forward. I’m so so sorry, I don’t know when this madness will end either.

According to CBS Sports reporter Ben Jacobs, the Blues are ‘exploring’ a deal for Borussia Monchengladbach striker Marcus Thuram, who could be available for as little as £10 million this month. Now, theoretically, that would be a smart little deal. The France international is undeniably a talent, and at such a snip, he would be an asset to just about anybody.

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But come on! How many forwards can one club need? When will Graham Potter find the opportunity to give them all minutes? Where will they all sit in the training ground canteen? You have to think about these things, Todd, otherwise you’re flirting with transfer-induced anarchy.

In other news, transfer insider Pete O’Rourke has claimed that Chelsea are close to signing a new midfielder, with talks at ‘an advanced stage with the mystery target’ . What a tease. Of course, the lack of a concrete identity allows us to sink our teeth into some good old fashioned gossip-mongering.

It could be Moises Caicedo at Brighton or Barcelona’s Franck Kessie, but then again, given the AK-47 blunderbuss nature of Mr. Boehly’s recruitment drive thus far, don’t be surprised if it’s actually the ghost of Simon Bolivar or Kermit the Frog.