Let's get ready to rumble - Simulating Ant and Dec running their beloved Newcastle United

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How would the TV legends fare if they were to take charge of their beloved Newcastle United?

Celebrities taking over and investing in football clubs seems to have become a bit of thing these days, doesn’t it?

Whether its Deadpool at Wrexham, NFL icon Tom Brady at Birmingham City or Manchester United’s ‘Class of 92’ at Salford City, well-known figures are buying into clubs across the football pyramid. That got us thinking, how would other celebrities act if they were to buy into their beloved clubs? So, it’s back to Football Manager 2024 as we fire up the editor, update their squad to their current form and see how television legends and geet canny lads (Google it if you’re unsure) Ant and Dec would fare if they were to take charge and invest in their beloved Newcastle United.

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Now, according to various reports, the duo are said to be worth a combined £120m, which is dwarfed by the total estimated assets of the Saudi Arabia Public Investment Fund, who are the majority shareholders at St James Park. Their net worth is said to over £600bn, meaning in this simulation, we have handed Ant and Dec a similar role to the one overseen by Amanda Staveley and Mehrdad Ghodoussi prior to their departure from St. James Park’ earlier this season.

So they will take over as club chairman since you can’t really separate them and that means Yasir Al-Rumayyan is now a director. Effectively, Ant and Dec will oversee the running of the club and make the final decisions - but the Saudi wealth still remains in place in Newcastle’s pursuit of that elusive trophy. So time to see how Ant and Dec’s first summer at their beloved St. James’ Park plays out. To see the scene, we have played out the 2024/25 season and Newcastle have narrowly missed out on European competition once again. Their attempts to land a trophy in the domestic competition were brought to an end by Arsenal in the semi-finals of both the Carabao Cup and FA Cup. Let’s see what plays out with Ant and Dec at the helm...

A new deal for Eddie Howe

Stability seems to be key for the Geordie duo as they opt to tie down the services of manager Eddie Howe with a new five-year deal as he continues in his attempts to establish the Magpies are genuine contenders for major honours at home and abroad on a regular basis. Yes, there is no need to worry about his sidekick as Jason Tindall also gets a new deal too.

Summer departures and new contracts

Firstly, the departures of several out of contract players were confirmed as goalkeepers Martin Dubravka, John Ruddy and Mark Gillespie all head out of the door. They are joined by England international Callum Wilson, club captain Jamaal Lascelles and full-back duo Jamal Lewis and Emil Krafth. However, Fabian Schar and Sean Longstaff are sticking around after they both put pen-to-paper on new two-year deals.

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There are other permanent departures as Matt Targett heads to Spain to join Sevilla in a £7m deal, Isaac Hayden drops into the Championship with Leeds United after they make a £1m bid for the Arsenal academy product and Miguel Almiron moves to Roma in an £18m switch. Jacob Murphy and Odysseas Vlachodimos are both transfer listed and Irish youngster Alex Murphy is made available for loan - but no bids have been received for the trio despite several clubs being interested.

New arrivals at St. James’ Park

Firstly, we should confirm that the £26m income from the sales of Targett, Hayden and Almiron have boosted Howe’s transfer budget to just over £120m, and there is plenty of work to do with those funds as the Magpies boss looks to lead his side back into Europe. A first arrival comes in the form of a £34m deal for Sporting CP and Portugal centre-back Goncalo Inacio as Newcastle win the race for the services of a player coveted by a number of big-name clubs around Europe.

A more prudent approach is taken when it comes to boosting Howe’s goalkeeping options as United hand a three-year deal to Alex Meret after he leaves Napoli at the end of his contract and he is followed by another free agent Mathew Ryan. The former Brighton goalkeeper returns to the Premier League for the first time since he left Brighton in 2021.

Leroy Sane in action for Bayern Munich against Aston VillaLeroy Sane in action for Bayern Munich against Aston Villa
Leroy Sane in action for Bayern Munich against Aston Villa | Getty Images

Another free transfer, albeit a more costly one, is concluded when Newcastle persuade Germany international Leroy Sane to return to England after he leaves Bayern Munich. Those deals have left Howe with around £80m to spend and he uses it all to hand further competition at the top end of the pitch by paying £42m for Juventus striker Dusan Vlahovic and £36m for Feyenoord’s Santiago Gimenez. That leaves Howe with three international forwards to utilise throughout a season where he will hope an Ant and Dec-led Newcastle can finally take silverware back to Tyneside.

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