Newcastle United in pole position to land big-money new signing as Chelsea look to hijack Man Utd's £35m deal

Across the world, bells have been rung, glasses have been clinked, grapes have been devoured (Spain) and onions have been draped over door handles (Greece) as the globe celebrated the turn of the year in the traditional range of entertaining and bizarre ways. Some football writers who wish to remain nameless may have seen in the new year swaddled in the comfort of a dressing gown, drifting into a deep slumber fuelled by a leftover Christmas cake binge long before the midnight fireworks lit up the skies.

Meanwhile, like The Undertaker in his prime, Fabrizio Romano has gone from lying spread-eagled on the sweaty canvas following his relentless endeavours over the summer, to rising dramatically to a perpendicular angle, eyes wide in preparation for another round of transfer window chaos. So let's fire up the espresso machine, plug in the otherwise obsolete but somehow seemingly still integral to transfer deals fax machine, and shovel some fresh coal into the rumour mill. Here we go, 2024.

Brentford want big bucks for Chelsea and Arsenal target

And where better to start than with what is set to be a transfer saga so tedious even the most seasoned of Viking storytellers would struggle to add new vigour to its rehashing around the campfire. Well, the good folks at talkSPORT appear to have have done the hard yards for us, providing a fresh update on the future of Brentford striker Ivan Toney, who can now play football again later this month following the conclusion of his eight-month ban for breaking Football Association rules on betting.

According to the exclusive report, Brentford won't let the England international go without a fight this month, and will be holding out for their asking price of around £80m. He's believed to be on the transfer wish lists of both Arsenal and Chelsea, who were unable to bring in suitably clinical strikers last summer.

The 3 Added Minutes verdict: If Chelsea's current owners have proved anything in their relatively fresh tenure, it's that they're willing to spend objectively ridiculous amounts of money regardless of whether the acquisitions actually make any sense.

Would selling, say, academy graduate and key midfielder Conor Gallagher to a fierce rival in Spurs to fund an ill-advised move for a player who hasn't kicked a ball competitively since last May be on brand for the new-look Blues regime? Absolutely. Not to mention the club's historical and indeed hysterical pedigree for signing strikers at completely the wrong moment in their career.

Arsenal are arguably just as in need of a reliable marksman as their London rivals, but have proved themselves to be far more calculated operators in the transfer market in recent times. If faced with an asking price as exorbitant as Toney's, you'd fancy the Gunners to give a swift 'Thanks, but no thanks' before embarking down a more cost-effective avenue, or indeed settling for what they've got in Eddie Nketiah and Gabriel Jesus before going all guns blazing to land a new striker in the summer.

Newcastle United 'leading race' to sign Crystal Palace star

Meanwhile, Newcastle United will be looking to start the new year with a bang - no, not with the controversial owners launching manager Eddie Howe out of a cannon to skim across the Tyne after the club dropped out of both European football and the Premier League top four in the latter stages of last year, but instead by signing a shiny new centre-back to plug the gaping hole in their back line.

The man for the job? None other than Crystal Palace's Danish dynamo Joachim Andersen, who has presumably been experiencing an existential crisis when faced with the prospect of an entirety spent in mid-table mediocrity with Roy Hodgson's Eagles. Those at Caught Offside claim Newcastle United are "leading the race" to bag their long-term target, but note that the Magpies are wary of the Financial Fair Play penalty recently handed out to Everton, which could temper their desire to blow £60m on a deal this month.

The 3 Added Minutes verdict: Can you be leading a race if you're the only club in it? As philosophical queries go it's not up there with trees falling in deserted forests or unstoppable forces meeting immovable objects, but it's a fair question to ask.

Newcastle may well be unopposed in their pursuit of Anderson, which is unquestionably a boost in their quest to sign him. Since their takeover, the Magpies have shown relative restraint in the transfer market, spending a decent amount of money without indulging in PSG-style hoovering of commodities.

Andersen's contract doesn't expire until the summer of 2026, which means Palace aren't in a position where they'll be pressured into selling this month. Also, with the Magpies now out of Europe, the demand on their stretched squad is now significantly lessened, and they could well make do with what they have until the summer.

That said, Jamaal Lascelles could be out for another couple of weeks, and the Newcastle owners may already be fretting about the consequences of sliding further down the league table. Signing Andersen would be a costly gamble, but should rolling the dice offer the prospect of European football at St. James' Park again next season, it may well be deemed worth it.

Chelsea join three-way battle for Todibo

We conclude today's transfer round-up with news of a three-way tussle emerging between Chelsea, Spurs and Manchester United. The object of their mutual affections appears to be Nice (as in the football club, not the vague personality trait, but he could be a lovely fella for all we know) defender Jean-Clair Todibo. The bustling 24-year-old has been heavily linked with both Tottenham and the Red Devils recently, and now Chelsea are, according to Foot Mercato journalist Santi Aouna, entered the transfer race, keen as they are to make the genius decision of adding an eighth centre-back to an already bloated squad.

Flippant quips aside, the Blues may have good cause to make a move; the injured Wesley Fofana will be lucky to play more than handful of matches this season as he continues to recover from an ACL injury, Trevoh Chalobah is in a similar boat, while Thiago Silva's vessel is sailing majestically ever closer to the horizon.

The 3 Added Minutes verdict: Spurs had an excellent summer of transfer business, arguably the best in division, using the Harry Kane millions to transform their side, bringing the likes of midfield magician James Maddison and super stopper Guglielmo Vicario between the sticks. With Cristian Romero seemingly unable to disengage the persistent impulse to pulverise opposition defenders' ankles and earn himself weeks hunched on the naughty step, another centre-back option would be a wise addition for Ange Postecoglu's high-flying Spurs.

United could have a cheeky little advantage at their disposal in this particular scrap, given that their new investors INEOS just so happen to own, yes you guessed it, Todibo's employers at Nice (as in the football club, not the flavourless between-World War biscuits still somehow finding a place in the treasured biscuit tins of Britons now able to lay their hands on such delights as Chocolate Hobnobs and Party Rings). This could, in theory, smooth the pathway in any negotiation for the France international.

As for Chelsea, they've already shown their ability to be ruthless at the transfer table following last year's gazumping on Arsenal to Mykalo Mudryk, so they can't be ruled out here.