Newcastle’s dumpster diving, Liverpool’s diamond Giza and PSG steal some lunch money

All the latest Premier League transfer news - well, sort of. Featuring Newcastle’s commitment to recycling and Liverpool’s pursuit of Khéphren Thuram.
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In an era when the Premier League, and professional football in general, is coming under increasing pressure to cut down on its colossal carbon footprint, we have to give some credit to Newcastle United and their commitment to recycling. Specifically, recycling relegated football players.

The Telegraph report that Eddie Howe is browsing the used items listings on Facebook Marketplace and picking up some discarded gems from teams that no longer have any use for Premier League calibre players – a Tyler Adams over here, hardly used, a James Maddison there, previously loved, and a Harvey Barnes, one careful owner. Well, not that careful, they went down. They may face competition for Maddison from fellow dumpster divers - like Tottenham Hotspur, according to the same newspaper.

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The 3AM Verdict: There’s a richer than usual supply of quality players who are desperately scrambling to escape the great refuse skip that is the Championship, and therefore a few nice little bargains to be had beneath all the banana peels and discarded armchairs. Newcastle have no shortage of cash, of course, but still – it would take more than a bit of mould and some grime to stop Harvey Barnes from being an attractive signing.

Parisien playground bullying

Every good transfer window needs a good gazumping or two, and every sport needs its heels, the super-villains we love to hate for their relentless commitment to evil deeds. So we have to put a good word in for Paris Saint-Germain, who are combining both roles with effortless French elegance.

The ever-unlovable petroclub have already knocked Chelsea out of the bidding for Manuel Ugarte like a playground bully pinching a weedy kid’s lunch money, and are now trying to flush Barcelona’s head down the toilet by beating them to the signing of Manchester City’s İlkay Gündoğan – according to L’Equipe anyway. The bad news for the bullies is that Barcelona reckon they’ve already agreed to terms on a three-year deal, per Mundo Deportivo. They’ll just have to come back and give them a wedgie later.

The 3AM Verdict: Quite why City are so content to let Gündoğan remains a bigger mystery than where he actually ends up – although it’s looking less and less likely that it will be Arsenal, let’s be honest. Anyway, buying a world-class midfielder on a free is the kind of economic lever Barcelona love, and PSG probably feel queasy about signing someone for less than the GDP of a small island nation anyway.

A real diamond Giza

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For our last stop on today’s rumour train, word from Liverpool, where versatile midfielder, occasional wing-back and general jack-of-all-trades Khéphren Thuram has reportedly agreed to contractual terms ahead of a move from Nice – according to Football Transfers, anyway.

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Thuram is the son of the great Lilian, the brother of the impressive Marcus and was named after the Egyptian pharaoh responsible for the Sphinx and the second biggest pyramid in Giza, so doesn’t have too much to live up to, eh? Will he be a monumental signing for Liverpool? Who nose...

The 3AM Verdict: The signing has yet to be confirmed, whatever a rather optimistic editor on Wikipedia thinks, and the haggling continues over the fee – likely to be somewhere in the £40-50m range. Decent money for a 22-year-old with one international cap to his name, but apparently Jürgen Klopp is a big fan, and we aren’t in any mood to argue with a man who loses both his mind and his hamstring functionality over a relatively uncontroversial refereeing decision.

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