Sunderland’s new home and away kits are nice enough, but please bring back embroidered badges

There are a lot of things that irk me about modern football, and in truth, they rotate and change on a near weekly basis. Some, however, are fairly dependable constants when it comes to shredding my patience and sanity. Take for instance, Saudi Arabian sportswashing, or that ‘We Buy Any Car’ chant that was initially seized upon by West Ham fans and that has since been co-opted by approximately half of all fanbases in the English-speaking world. If I went to my grave having never heard it again, it would still be too soon.

This afternoon’s infuriating travesty du jour is, admittedly, pettier than most. I’d maybe even be tempted to go as far as to say that it really doesn’t matter at all. And yet, here I am, compelled to don my Adrian Chiles cosplay and vent about a topic that is as mundane as it is inconsequential.

Earlier today, Sunderland revealed their brand new home and away kits for the coming season. The former is a smart affair that nods to the fabled Nike kits of the ‘80s, with their expanse of dazzling white across the shoulders and their bold vertical red stripes. The latter is a much more contentious offering, pairing neon pinks with rich purples and detailing that falls somewhere between silly string and the web-like goo that Spider-Man shoots from his wrists. It’s received a fair amount of backlash from the lads who still swear by their boot-cut jeans and their slip-on Lonsdales, but I quite like it.

I won’t be buying it though, and the reason is simple; it has a heat-pressed badge. In recent years, there has been a widespread trend towards embracing the stick-on over the sewn-in, and honestly, at this stage, it’s a matter of principle for me. The price of a replica has rocketed astronomically over the past decade or so, and yet the quality has, in the case of some manufacturers, plummeted inversely. Nike are certainly culprits, but they are by no means the only offenders, and it feels as if we, the consumer, are being taken for fools.

What does it matter if the badge or sponsor begins to crack and peel after the sixth wash, or if the shirt itself ends up looking like the kind of cheap, cheeky knock-off that you might find hanging from a market stall in a flagging seaside resort? As long as the devoted masses buy it (which they will), and as long as the sportswear monoliths make their pretty penny (which they absolutely will), the relevant number-wranglers aren’t going to change their tack anytime soon.

This is a broader point that could really be applied to any club who have been lumbered with a poor imitation of a proper crest in recent times, and by no means am I knocking anybody who does decide to buy either of the new shirts. I also get that it probably makes the mass manufacturing process a whole lot more efficient to print rather than stitch, but sometimes there really is no substitute for quality.

Me, personally, all I’m asking for is something that, with a bit of care and affection, could still look alright in a decade, or maybe even two. All I’m asking, in short, is for somebody to bring embroidery back.