Newcastle’s Scotty showdown, Chelsea’s handsome devil, and Man Utd stand by their man

Welcome, one and all, to Monday’s Premier League transfer rumours round-up. Merriam Webster defines the word ‘rumour’ as ‘talk or opinion widely disseminated with no discernible source, or a statement or report current without known authority for its truth’. Merriam Webster also defines the word ‘drubbing’ as ‘to beat severely, to berate critically, or to defeat decisively’. Erik ten Hag’s English has come on leaps and bounds since he arrived at Manchester United in the summer, but there are simply no words in the dictionary that would excuse the sorry implosion that his side underwent at Anfield on Sunday afternoon.

For all of their progress this season, the Red Devils are still not the finished article, and as far as reminders go, they don’t come much more stinging than a 7-0 whitewash at the hands of your bitterest rivals. Signings, you would imagine, will be made in the coming months, and Ten Hag - barring some unforeseen collapse in his relationship with the board at Old Trafford - will be the one making them.

But while United chiefs will heed the immortal words of Tammy Wynette and stand by their man, Ten Hag himself seemingly has his heart set on another Tammy; namely, Abraham. According to CBS reporter Ben Jacobs, speaking to GiveMeSport, there is a ‘genuine interest’ in bringing the former Chelsea striker back to England, but only if they fail to land more desirable targets like Napoli’s Victor Osimhen. Either way, it’s probably bad news for big Wout Weghorst.

Elsewhere, Scott McTominay is being hurriedly ushered towards the door marked, ‘Nice Knowing You, Lad’. His most likely destination is Newcastle United, according to Football Insider, where, upon his arrival on Tyneside, his medical will consist of a scrap with former Geordie Shore star Scotty T. If he wins, he can stay. There can only be one.

And finally, Ruben Loftus-Cheek could be in his way to Milan. Whether that is to undertake a bold new venture in the centre of the park at the San Siro for AC Milan, as Calcio Mercato suggest, or to strut his stuff out on the catwalks of fashion week, we are sure he would thrive wholeheartedly. Handsome devil.