Jude Bellingham inspires a musical medley in Liverpool as Chelsea practice their spycraft

All the latest Premier League transfer news, featuring Liverpool’s pursuit of Bellingham and Chelsea’ surprise swoop for Gavi.
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It’s early morning at Anfield, the mournful call of the liver bird drifts up from the docks, and in the centre circle, surrounded by early morning fog off the Mersey, Jurgen Klopp stands alone, striking a thoughtful pose. Then, without warning, he bursts into song.

Flinging his arms back dramatically, Klopp close his eyes and belts the chorus of ‘Let It Go’ to the empty stands and grey Liverpudlian heavens, tears gently running down his face and mingling with his bristly salt-and-pepper beard. The reason for this show of naked emotion is that The Times reported last night that Liverpool owners FSG have abandoned the pursuit of Jude Bellingham on the grounds that he would cost a lot of money.

Jude Bellingham wipes away some definitely real tears after hearing he might not have to play in the Europa League next season.Jude Bellingham wipes away some definitely real tears after hearing he might not have to play in the Europa League next season.
Jude Bellingham wipes away some definitely real tears after hearing he might not have to play in the Europa League next season.

You’d think basic due diligence would have revealed this fact a while ago but apparently the notion that Bellingham might command a fee of around £100m has caught the billionaire ownership off guard, and Liverpool will instead move on to Mason Mount – per Football.London at least – presumably while John Henry apologetically performs ‘If I Was A Rich Man’ from Fiddler On The Roof.

Somebody should probably tell Liverpool’s owners that there are some seriously good deals to be made even when you do have short arms to go with your deep pockets. Because if Chelsea, of all clubs, can sniff out a bargain, then it probably represents professional malpractice if you’re not across it yourself. Especially when the bargain in question is literally free, and the player in question is Golden Boy winner, Kopa Trophy champion and former 3 Added Minutes Wonderkid Power Rankings number one Gavi.

Apparently the reason he could be leaving for precisely zero euros relates to a complicated situation related to the paperwork around Gavi’s contract and Barcelona’s need to get below La Liga’s salary limit, a problem which has dogged Barcelona so much that they keep buying players and immediately moving them on at a loss. Such impressive fiscal manoeuvring could cost them one of their brightest prospects, as Gavi is less than happy with the club for failing to get the situation sorted out sooner.

Local outlet AS reckon that Chelsea met with Gavi’s agent, Ivan de la Pena, three weeks ago in Madrid in secret. It’s tempting to imagine Todd Boehly sat in a Lavapies café with a grey trench coat, a big hat, sunglasses and a fake moustache, and conspicuously reading a broadsheet newspaper before whispering “the white owl winters in Moscow” as the follically-challenged former Spain playmaker walks past. In any case, apparently it went well, mysterious briefcases were exchanged, and a blockbuster freebie deal moves forward.

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Finally for today, further word from Madrid where Roberto Firmino is checking out listings on ElMoveCorrecto.com and checking out Google reviews for local cosmetic dentists – because he’s off to Real Madrid on his own free transfer when his Liverpool contract ends, at least if El Nacional have their facts straight. The 31 year-old Brazilian already has teeth in the club colours and wouldn’t need much persuading to make the move. Back on Merseyside, Klopp screws up his eyes, clenches hard and bellows “I doooon’t caaaaarreeee…”