Premier League predictions: Everton’s motorway pile-up and Man City’s long coronation

All of this weekend’s Premier League predictions, including Everton vs Leicester City, Liverpool vs Tottenham, and Arsenal vs Chelsea
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Another week, another batch of hot and fresh Premier League predictions for your consideration and consumption. We are hurtling towards the end of the season like bugs squished against the windscreen of an articulated lorry, but there is still so much left to be decided.

From the title race to the relegation battle to that most illustrious of prizes - a spot in the Europa Conference League - nothing is concrete, and everything is shifting constantly. This weekend, all 20 top flight teams will be in action, and as always, it is my sacred, delegated duty to predict how they will fare, and to get it wildly, wildly wrong. Onwards!

Crystal Palace vs West Ham

You can come out now, it’s over. For a brief, frightening time Roy Hodgson and Crystal Palace were the most fearsome force in the Premier League. A draw and a defeat in their last two matches would seem to suggest that they have settled back into their usual pattern of mediocrity, however, and that could be good news for a West Ham side who are still inserting a forefinger into their collar and yanking nervously whenever they look over their shoulders at the relegation battle behind them.

A win here would go a long way towards allaying any lingering concerns, and I reckon they’ll get one. 2-1 to the Hammers.

Brighton vs Wolves

It’s been a tough week for Brighton. First they crashed out of the FA Cup on penalties at Wembley, and then they came royally unstuck against Nottingham Forest. The Seagulls haven’t faltered too often this season, however, and in those rare instances, they have generally bounced back with ease.

On Saturday, Albion host a Wolves side who look as if they have relatively little to play for. After the season they’ve endured, that must feel like a genuine relief, and it could also benefit Roberto De Zerbi’s team too. Brighton 3-1 Wolves.

Brentford vs Nottingham Forest

Forest took a huge step towards survival with an unexpected win over Brighton on Wednesday evening. Steve Cooper’s men hadn’t tasted victory since February 5th prior to their comeback against the Seagulls, but couldn’t have picked a better time - or a more emphatic manner - to halt their rot.

This weekend, they travel to face a Brentford side who have blown hot and cold recently. The Bees were winless in six before they met Frank Lampard’s sorry excuse of a Chelsea team in midweek, but after such a wretched prior run, they find themselves nestled comfortably in the obscurity of mid-table. Both teams will see this as winnable, but in the end, they might have to settle for a draw. 2-2.

Manchester United vs Aston Villa

Had the Premier League started 10 games ago, Aston Villa would be top. It didn’t, of course - and as things stand they are instead perched in a less auspicious but still wholly respectable sixth - but it really does speak volumes as to the transformation that Unai Emery has enacted at Villa Park since his arrival.

On Sunday, they face a notable test in the form of a trip to Old Trafford. United look fairly secure in their bid for a top four finish, but a loss here would represent something of a hiccup, especially after they blew a two-goal lead against Tottenham. Taking all of that into account, expect a tight affair. 1-1.

Bournemouth vs Leeds United

This is an absolute must-win for Leeds United. At the present moment, they are sleepwalking back to the Championship, and while they may lie 16th in the table, the reality is that they are but a hair’s breadth from the bottom three.

Unfortunately for them, they happen to be facing a newly-energised Bournemouth side on Sunday afternoon - three wins from four, and in all likelihood, it could be four from five after this. A 3-1 Cherries win, and yet more misery for their visitors.

Newcastle United vs Southampton

Two clubs whose levels of optimism could hardly be any more different. Whereas Newcastle United are on the cusp of Champions League qualification, and look set to embark on a long and glorious march towards the very upper echelons of world football, Southampton are an apathetic shell of what they once were, shuffling listlessly towards the sheer cliff face of relegation. This should, and probably will, only go one way. Toon 3-0 Saints.

Liverpool vs Tottenham

If Liverpool are somehow to qualify for the Champions League this season - spoilers, they’re not going to - then they cannot afford to put a foot wrong between now and the end of the campaign. That essentially means that anything other than a win against Tottenham on Sunday would be a potentially fatal blow.

As for Spurs, their own ambitions continue to hang by a thread after a run of just one win in five top flight outings. Ryan Mason has been appointed as interim manager to try and steady the ship, and a decent comeback against Manchester United in midweek should offer a glimmer of hope, but really an overhaul is desperately needed. I could see them getting a point here though. 1-1.

Fulham vs Manchester City

And so, the long coronation begins. Various members of Pep Guardiola’s squad, and indeed the bald svengali himself, have been quick to play down the certainty of City’s impending title win in the aftermath of Wednesday night’s 4-1 win over Arsenal, but we all know they aren’t fooling anybody. Momentum has shifted and bothersome pests have been swatted.

The defending champions have gotten stronger and stronger as the season has progressed, and they are now just seven games away retaining their crown. You would expect them to win each and every one of them, starting with this trip to Fulham on Sunday. Pick a number and then double it. Fulham 0-4 City. And that’s being conservative.

Leicester City vs Everton

Watching this one could be like the footballing equivalent of rubbernecking at a motorway pile-up. How fickle this relegation mudfight has become; just a few short weeks ago, Leicester looked down and out, staggering through the gutter like a penniless aristocrat exiled in rags. Now, however, with four points from two matches, their outlook is positively balmy. They might still be in the bottom three, but that most precious of pendulums, momentum, has swung in their favour.

Contrast that with Everton, who are winless in five, second from bottom, and so generally abysmal that they are causing mass exoduses at Goodison Park well before the referee has even got around to checking his watch these days. The Toffees are in big, big trouble. If they lose this one, it could worsen still. Leicester 2-0 Everton.

Arsenal vs Chelsea

Well, they do say misery loves company. In a footballing discourse that lionises cheap sniping and rote jibes, the phrase ‘bottle job’ is thrown around far too often. When you look at the sudden dip in output that has cost Arsenal their advantage in the title race, it is hard to think of any other label. Yes, the Gunners lost heavily to Man City in midweek, but the truth is that it was three successive draws, including a scatterbrained display against lowly Southampton, that hindered them well before that. Their hopes of finishing top are not over, but they are waning fast.

Still, at least they’re not Chelsea. Frank Lampard has played five, lost five in all competitions since returning as interim manager, and the mood around Stamford Bridge could hardly be fouler.

I do just have a feeling about this one though; an inexplicable conviction that the Blues might turn up out of nowhere to pile further dismay on their hosts. A win might be pushing it, but a 0-0 draw would really be a scoreline befitting this glum encounter.