Newcastle United eye £75m carnival fanatic as upwardly mobile Aston Villa and Wolves chase big deals

Here’s a top tip for all football fans, courtesy of 3 Added Minutes – if you would like your star players to remain at your club, do not gather en masse at their house and spend an hour so hurling insulting chants at their front gate. They won’t be in, a lot of people will think you’re idiots, and the player will immediately want to leave.

This pearl of wisdom may seem deeply obvious to many of you, but apparently Paris Saint-Germain fans need to hear it. Having successfully insulted Lionel Messi, the greatest player of all time, into leaving the team, they’re now having a go at forcing Neymar out of the club…

Quoth the Magpies, Neymar

Look, if you really want to force your best players out of the club, there are easier ways of doing it than swearing at someone’s front door as if they’re going to reply over the intercom. You could give Todd Boehly a call, for starters, he’ll buy anyone. But in any case, Neymar looks increasingly likely to leave PSG this summer, and while the French champions won’t have any misconceptions about getting their money back, he’ll still cost a pretty penny.

Step forward, then, Newcastle United. 90min reckon that the 31-year-old carnival fanatic could be available for a fee of £75m, which by petroclub standards is practically loose change. They also suggest that the Magpies took a look at Cristiano Ronaldo, who is finding his Saudi adventure rather unsatisfying – they’re clearly keen for a marquee signing, or at least someone a bit more glamorous for the advertising campaigns than Dan Burn.

The 3AM Verdict: Neymar is an endlessly frustrating player, capable of the sublime but as likely to phone it in as he is to tear the opposition apart. But perhaps he could a few nights out in the Bigg Market would persuade him to stop pulling a sickie every January. Well, probably not. Still, it would be a laugh having him in the Premier League, wouldn’t it?

Ambitious Villa plot double swoop

Buoyed by their surge up the table under Unai Emery, Aston Villa find themselves unexpectedly recalibrating their aims for the coming seasons… and having secured the services of Barcelona’s sporting director Mateu Alemany, they’re plotting some transfer that would have seemed well above their station not so long ago – at least, according to The Telegraph.

The players in question are former Manchester City forward Ferran Torres and Juventus’ hit-and-miss but heavily hyped striker Dušan Vlahović, who hit the ground running in Turin but has managed a relatively meagre nine league goals this campaign. No fees are reported but the Villans are clearly keen to be seen as upwardly mobile – but do face competition from Arsenal for Spanish international Torres.

The 3AM Verdict: If Villa could pull either deal off, it would be a genuinely impressive signal of intent. On the other hand, persuading Ferran Torres to turn down Champions League football, and asking Vlahović to exchange Italy for Birmingham will require powers of persuasion usually only associated with Derren Brown. Who knows, maybe they’re both massive fans of Peaky Blinders or something.

Ansu it begins

Let’s remain in the Midlands for our final rumour of the day, and even more specifically, let’s remain on the theme of ambitious transfer deals involving Barcelona. It’s Wolverhampton Wanderers who have their sights set on a mind-boggling deal this time around, with Revolvo suggesting that super-agent and Wolves transfer patron Jorge Mendes is working on a deal to swap Rúben Neves for Ansu Fati.

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Viewed for years as one of the most exciting prospects in the global game, a string of injuries have seen Fati restricted to bench duties for much of the season and he’s reputedly keen to find a new club. Wolves, it’s got to be said, is quite a step down from Barcelona, but perhaps Nelson Semedo can put a good word in. And apparently a swap deal would allow Barcelona to intentionally inflate Fati’s purported value to free up more salary space under Spanish financial fair play rules! Modern football, eh?

The 3AM Verdict: This is one of those deals that really gets the juices flowing, but it would be one heck of a risk for Wolves – trading away their talismanic and quite possible irreplaceable midfield general for a brilliant but quite possibly broken wide forward. But then, it isn’t especially clear whether Wolves would actually have any say in the matter once Mr. Mendes has got the wheels nice and greased. Modern football, eh?