The Top 10 greatest football songs of all time - from indie gems to World Cup classics

In case you’ve been living under a rock – or, you know, aren’t European – it’s Eurovision Song Contest time, one of the best and barmiest nights in the continental calendar. Most of the songs will be rubbish, of course, and some of them will be quite, quite mad – which would also be a fair analysis of most football songs in the extensive and largely hideous history of the genre.

We may have moved on from the dreadful days of FA Cup anthems – and thank god for that, let’s be honest – but there is still a rich history of unlistenable football music from across the globe, much of which would be booed off stage if it were presented in Liverpool tonight. And a Eurovision crowd will tolerate practically anything.

So in order to celebrate the brilliance of Eurovision and to remind us that there actually are some good soccer songs in the world, let’s run down the top ten football songs that are actually, well, decent. We’ve kept the definition of “football song” fairly loose to make sure we aren’t forced to include, say, the Anfield Rap or Chelsea’s Blue Tomorrow from the 2000 FA Cup final, which my editor made me watch in the process of compiling this piece. Never again.

10. Shakira – Waka Waka (This Time For Africa)

The official song of the World Cup has a long and benighted history – South Africa 2010’s was the only one that was actually pretty listenable. It would be something of a stretch to describe the peppy, pan-African pop tune as a classic, but unlike most equivalent efforts, it doesn’t make you want to tear your ears off. It might have been a somewhat strange choice to ask a Colombian singer to perform an ode to the Africa continent (‘waka waka’ loosely translates as ‘do it’ in Douala, a Cameroonian language), but let’s just say that it worked out better than Germany asking Pitbull to represent them four years later. Not a high bar, in fairness - Mr. Worldwide, maybe, but not so much Mr. World Cup.

9. Haydoo – Our Camel, Lovely Camel

Admittedly not necessarily the easiest on Western ears, this seemingly strange effort, released in support of the Kuwaiti national team’s 1982 World Cup bid, has too good of a story behind it to exclude. Having become the first Middle Eastern side to reach the finals, Kuwait arrived in Spain to be greeted by some tediously inevitable racism, including a Spanish newspaper “joking” that the team would be late to the tournament as they would travel by camel. In revenge, the Kuwaiti FA announced that they would withdraw from the competition unless their hotel allowed them to house their new team mascot – Haydoo the camel. They didn’t actually have a camel to hand, but the King of Morocco came through and one was quickly provided. Haydoo became a symbol of national pride and an ensemble band swifty sorted out a song befitting the newly-legendary dromedary – and listening to a children’s choir joyfully intone their celebration of the “lovely camel” in question is something of a pleasure. A glorious middle finger of a tune.

8. Dario G – Carnival de Paris

Not actually the official song of France 1998, but swiftly taken up by all and sundry as if it was, Dario G’s chirpy dance music mish-mash of everything from accordions to bouzoukis served up an infectious medley of feel-good beats and, if we’re honest, lazy national stereotypes. Still, it remains an enormous amount of fun, one of those undeniably bouncy and infectious tracks that’s almost impossible not to enjoy. Would absolutely smash it at Eurovision if instrumental songs were allowed.

7. Los Campesinos! – Every Defeat A Divorce (Three Lions)

It would be downright irresponsible to exclude cult indie-rock act Los Campesinos!, if only because they have an extensive songbook filled to the brim with brilliant football references – I defy anyone to come up with a better rhyming stanza to describe the start of a doomed relationship than “People laughed, they called it folly/But we connected like a Yeboah volley”. Most of their songs aren’t actually about football, admittedly, using the sport as a sort of Rosetta Stone to translate lyrics about love and heartbreak and all the usual stuff for the kind of people who are more likely to watch Bundesliga highlights than succesfully enter a meaningful long-term relationship – but Every Defeat A Divorce actually does dive into the subject properly, a solemn, down-tempo meditation on the tragedy of watching England get knocked out of yet another tournament. Few songs have ever drunk from that particular emotional well, and they probably should.

6. The Farm – All Together Now

There aren’t many songs as redolent of the nineties as The Farm’s hopeful post-rave pop ballad, and while its connection to football isn’t immediately obvious, a look at the lyrics reveals that its subject matter is, somewhat unexpectedly, the Christmas Day game allegedly played between British and German troops in the trenches during World War One. That game may not have actually happened, according to modern historians, but that doesn’t really matter – it’s a genuinely uplifting song and the tenuous link is more than enough to squeeze it into the top ten. It was this or ‘On The Ball’ by Ant & Dec, and I think we can all agree that we made the right choice there.

5. Glenn & Chris – Diamond Lights

Only a football song by virtue of its unlikely performers – England stars Chris Waddle and Glenn Hoddle, carving out an unlikely second career through the world of eighties synth-pop, with mullets and white suits very much the order of the day. The only thing more surprising than the vocals is the fact that it’s actually genuinely good – a moody, dry-ice shrouded tune that sits astonishingly well alongside the Depeche Mode and Pet Shop Boys classics of the era. Apparently the single came about after some music industry types happened to be present at an impromptu karaoke session between the two, and it was written and co-produced by the man behind ‘I’m In The Mood For Dancing’. It peaked at number 12 in the charts, and is comfortably the best song ever performed by active players. Again, not a high bar.

4. Manic Street Preachers – Together Stronger (C’mon Wales)

A question once posed on social media which has never left my head since – why do we say the name of the legendary Welsh rock band as if they were preachers who lived on Manic Street, and not street preachers who were manic? Anyway – the stadium rock titans belted out one of the best official team anthems in history - for Wales’ Euro 2016 run - with their typical big-hearted gusto and it’s a genuine cracker of a tune. Worth the price of admission for the lusty way James Dean Bradfield bellows the words “Hal Robson-Kanu” alone.

3. Half Man Half Biscuit – Swerving The Checkatrade

The other cult indie band who litter their tracks with sharp-tongued footy references are, of course, Birkenhead’s Half Man Half Biscuit. They’ve been churning out witty, jaunty lo-fi rock for nearly four decades now and we could have picked out any number of their songs for this list – ‘All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit’ can count itself especially unfortunate to miss out. In any case, we’ve gone for this short and sweet slice of pop, a love song filtered through the understandable desire to avoid watching games in the Football League Trophy. Highlights include the magnificent line “Let me gaze upon your curves/Instead of Ipswich Town reserves”. A sentiment we can all appreciate.

2. New Order – World In Motion

Leaving aside the fact that John Barnes’ much-loved rap in the middle eight is, if we’re being truthful, a bit iffy, legendary Mancunian band New Order’s song for England ahead of the 1990 World Cup remains a high watermark in football pop, an unashamedly upbeat dance track from one of British music’s great innovators. The enduringly naff video may date the track a little bit, and the lyrics are amusingly clunky, but it’s still an absolute peach of a tune.

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1. Baddiel, Skinner & The Lightning Seeds – Three Lions

I mean, what else was it going to be? Filled to the brim with all the hope and heartbreak of a lifetime supporting England, the pathos-laded tune strikes a pitch-perfect chord with anyone who’s endured the experience of watching their national team lose a penalty shootout. Again. Its refrain of “football’s coming home” may have been endlessly misinterpreted and repurposed over the years by all and sundry, but the context of the commentary snippets included in the original (and best) version give it the gloriously fatalistic optimism that still resonates beautifully with anyone who wears an England shirt. Nearly three decades on, it remains the go-to tune for English supporters, and rightly so – it’s not just a great football song, but a great song full stop.